Friday, April 17, 2009

Hey, Mr. Allen...You're Welcome

There's an article posted on oregonlive today that lists the many highlights of this year's Blazer team. I'd like to go on record by saying that I witnessed a total of zero of them. Had I been watching, I can guarantee that Brandon Roy's last second fade away prayer would not have found the bottom of the net for what has become the poster moment of the entire NBA this season. Well, that and the nightly heroics of The Chosen One - Lebron James.

You can read my last post and all the other posts before it as proof that I alone am the one who made this playoff run possible. I swore off the Blazers for the rest of the season after predicting that I could watch the last handful of games of the year, hence causing a meltdown of gigantic proportions. I began with a home game against Philadelphia and sure enough the Blazers looked abysmal. The next game was a hugely important nationally televised match up against the outside-looking-in Phoenix Suns. You can read my last post to see my effect.

During that game I made a promise to Mr. Allen and the entire city for that matter, that I would not watch anymore games the rest of the way, forgoing my endeavor to convince Paul to give me a contract NOT to watch. I made good on that promise. People will continue to say that it is not me. My own sister made a comment on this here blogsite poo-pooing my claim. My very own sister! I can't expect to convince anyone, even family. But let me assure you that this is all indeed true. I could watch the first game of the playoffs against Houston and rain on this happy parade. 

But I won't. 

I am too kind for that. 

For now, I will continue to stay away. But one day I will get weak. And I will need to prove myself, like any great athlete. And I will turn the tv on. And Travis Outlaw will go cold. And players will miss easy lay-ups, and 89% free throw shooters will miss 2 out of 2 with the game in the balance(I'm talking to you Steve Blake!) And the announcers will scratch their heads and wonder what has happened to their team. And they will have no answers. Maybe they will blame it on youth. But it won't be youth. It will be me!

Here's a thought: If the Blazers make it through the first round without me, I think my plan will be to allow them to play two games in LA(assuming LA beats Utah), where the Blazers might possibly sneak a road victory. Then, I will watch game 3. And the Blazers will come in riding so high. And the pundits will speak of how we have the Lakers number at home. And we will come out strong. But slowly Kobe will chip away. And maybe Pryzbilla will help him with a cheap shot. And then the calls won't go our way. And the fans will get restless. And the Blazers will get tight. And Travis will disappear. And the Blazers will lose by about 10. And the momentum will have shifted back. And the Lakers will have got the message. And then we will all talk about next year. And, then, maybe just maybe, Paul Allen will find some truth in this freaky power that I have. And the checkbook will come out. Because while championships are won, they can't be won without being bought, first.