Friday, November 20, 2009

Hang In There, Paul

With news of Paul Allen's latest cancer fight, I have decided to back off my quest for a contract to NOT watch the Blazers. That said, I am 6 - 1 in my last seven games when I either watch or don't watch them. Meaning, when I watch, they lose, when I don't they have much better luck. My one loss was the fifth game of their road trip in which they lost in overtime to the Atlanta Hawks. I stayed away from all five games of the road trip, but in the last one, they couldn't pull it off. (I've never claimed that they win every game I avoid. I only claim that they tend to lose when I watch, especially if it's a game of any type of magnitude. I've never said I could go to a Blazer game and watch the team with the worst record in the league take it to them, although I bet they would certainly give them a fight!)

Anyway, I digress. I'm letting Mr. Allen go. He's got bigger fish to fry. I will do due diligence to help the team in any way I can. I will turn away when it's time to turn away. And I will get my fixes when the opportunity presents - say courtside seats against the lowly Knicks. AND, I thought, maybe I will take this curse to Vegas, lay some big cash down for or against the Blazers, depending on whether I choose to watch the game or not, and then collect my winnings three predictable hours later.

But I digress again. The REAL REASON I am writing today is to further prove a point that I am not normal. That forces conspire for and against me time and time again. This time it is in the form of STREET CLEANING DAY. I contend that on the ONE DAY OF THE YEAR that the city sweeps down my street, some mysterious ASSHOLE will park their car right in front of my house just before the city shows up to do their work. It happens every single year. Seriously, I have the dirtiest parking strip in NE Portland. And my wife will attest because ever since she has been around(three years running) she has been witness.

This year it seems one of the neighbors decided to have a bridge game or a book club because FIVE F'ING CARS all showed up at once and parked under the three biggest, messiest trees on the block. Thankfully, the city made its first pass down my street before the cars arrived and I at least had the luxury of them whisking the pile of leaves from my neighbors tree away from my strip. But the three houses east of me didn't have the luxury, which means eventually the waste will make it's way into my gutter.

Yes, I know, it's not THAT BIG OF DEAL. But christ all mighty, it certainly is predictable. I swear to God, in the last 365 days, I have not once, ever, seen the car that is presently parked in front of my house. WTF?!!!

Who's car are you? Argh!




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